The other day, I was thinking about the different stages of marriage. I quickly wrote these – what I want call “The Four Stages of Marriage”. This list is certainly not exhaustive; but it has been quite exhausting. We all know that marriage takes hard work. I am committed to working harder on my ministry at home than my ministry at the church. If I gain success in the ladder, but fail with the former, I’m a failure at both locations.
The Inquiry Stage was the first thought that hit me. At this stage, I wanted to know everything about my then girlfriend Missy. What time does she wake up? Where does she go for lunch? What does she like to eat? Does she enjoy the same music as me? What perfume does she like? What is her taste in clothes, purses, jewelry, etc…? Then, after we got married, there were some many other questions. Questions like, does she like butter or margarine? What kind of toothpaste does she prefer? Will she sleep on the right or left side of the bed? Does she snuggle or need her space?
Next, I thought of the Investigation Stage. That was the stage that I wanted to know more of the private things about my wife; and vice versa. I had to learn to trust and be trusted in this stage.
Then came the Investment Stage. This was the stage where I realized that there needed to be a willingness to make deposits today for the needed withdrawals down the road.
Finally, you get to enjoy the Intimacy Stage of marriage. Today, after just fifteen years of marriage, I’m learning things about my wife that I wished I’d known fourteen and a half years ago. We’re closer, more loving, more forgiving, more embracing, and more intimate than ever before; but I’m still looking for greater advancement in this stage of our married life.
Here’s the question: Are you still excited about your marriage? Do you give your wife the “first fruits” of your time, or does she get your “leftovers”? What does your “date night”, “date lunch”, or “alone” time with your spouse look like?
Good words. The importance of keeping the Marriage alive will determine the success of the ministry we lead.
ReplyDeleteI love the analogy of the different stages. We keep our marriage active with time spent away from ministry through dates nights, days or whatever. We plan these times weekly then we also look for opportunities every week to make this stuff happen also.
Keep us challenged. I love it.
I love my time with my wife. It is a continual effort to make the time and its benefits are immeasurable.
ReplyDeleteAside from special planned getaways we slip away for breakfast or lunch frequently, hold hands, kiss etc and as we approach 15 years of marriage in June, she still rocks my world. Yes I am excited about my marriage and the 2 little girls that bless daddy's socks off.
People need to see pastors in love, passionate, romantic and affectionate. I recently received an e-mail from a young lady in my church whose father died 2 years ago, he was a pastor as well. She thanked me for making my family such a priority because she felt the sting of ministry when it came to her father and the lack of time she had with him.
Jeff, you are right on. I cannot be considered a success at church if my ministry at home has failed.
Love the conversation, wish more would get involved!